Beautiful pain

  • January 31, 2018

I’ve come to realize I’m a romantic sadist – I’m attracted to beautiful pain.  The way honesty of sadness fills your being as it dances throughout the mind leaving destruction and angst is something to appreciate.  Because of its unwavering honesty it may be mistaken for beauty. And it is beautiful.  The complexity of divulging energy to both feeling the pain and hiding it makes me curious.  It feels like a close friend, a companion who knows your truest personality because it brings you to accept yourself at your most vulnerable time.  You’re forced to break down walls and peer into the blackest part of your soul to then discover the light. But in the moment of complete openness you become one with your insecurities.  You can look at your flaws, your regrets, your shames and analyze their purpose.  You are able to analyze their lesson. Going through life hiding the dark parts will wither your inner rose.  The beauty in the pain is discovering yourself.  Not the person you project into the world, but the person you are at your core.  That’s why I’m so fascinated with pain and sadness because there’s always an epiphany to be unearthed.

The Pain

I recently went through the lowest point of my life.  A point where I had to face my demons, entities I had no strength for.  But in this time of hurt I found the beauty of honesty; to me and the universe.  I emerged from my dark place as Robyn.  I know who I am in every way because I acknowledged my beautiful pain.  I looked at my insecurities, my prides, my demons and found my angels.  I no longer hide behind my smiling mask and rehearsed “I’m okays” when I’m sad.  I cry, analyze and move on with honesty.  I acknowledge the feeling, live in it, work through it and then get over it.

The Beauty

Many people won’t understand the beauty I see because they don’t deal with their pain.  They treat it separately, as is common when faced with negative emotions.  Everything can be broken down in order to understand it, in order to decipher the code. Because we are predictable beings slaves to routines and patterns our emotions become subject to patterns.  Similar things will always bring bliss and simultaneously irritants bring the opposite.  But until you figure out who you are you stand as a weapon to your self by robbing your soul of release.  I realized the beauty in my pain once I stopped searching for destruction in a perfect world.  You may have some destructive qualities that serve to hinder you and will continue to hinder you unless the tie is broken and you no longer rely on your unique destruction to fuel your need for difference.  It disguises itself as a bad habit or a riff in your otherwise perfect personality and is usually accepted at face value when in actuality it’s much deeper.

“So damaged is she that I see the beauty in her pain. How bitter yet sweet to feel this way. To be washed in the ashes of your guilt and serenaded through regret. For the first time she can breath a breath of honest honesty. For I see your beauty. A beauty she considers pain.” – Robyn Leveridge

It’s so freeing knowing yourself. It’s so freeing being honest.  There will be times where I can’t describe the emotion but I’ll be ready because I know how to deal with beautiful pain.

[Q] what was the last thing that made you genuinely smile?  Leave your [A] in the comments below.


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Beautiful pain

  • January 31, 2018

I’ve come to realize I’m a romantic sadist – I’m attracted to beautiful pain.  The way honesty of sadness fills your being as it dances throughout the mind leaving destruction and angst is something to appreciate.  Because of its unwavering honesty it may be mistaken for beauty. And it is beautiful.  The complexity of divulging energy to both feeling the pain and hiding it makes me curious.  It feels like a close friend, a companion who knows your truest personality because it brings you to accept yourself at your most vulnerable time.  You’re forced to break down walls and peer into the blackest part of your soul to then discover the light. But in the moment of complete openness you become one with your insecurities.  You can look at your flaws, your regrets, your shames and analyze their purpose.  You are able to analyze their lesson. Going through life hiding the dark parts will wither your inner rose.  The beauty in the pain is discovering yourself.  Not the person you project into the world, but the person you are at your core.  That’s why I’m so fascinated with pain and sadness because there’s always an epiphany to be unearthed.

The Pain

I recently went through the lowest point of my life.  A point where I had to face my demons, entities I had no strength for.  But in this time of hurt I found the beauty of honesty; to me and the universe.  I emerged from my dark place as Robyn.  I know who I am in every way because I acknowledged my beautiful pain.  I looked at my insecurities, my prides, my demons and found my angels.  I no longer hide behind my smiling mask and rehearsed “I’m okays” when I’m sad.  I cry, analyze and move on with honesty.  I acknowledge the feeling, live in it, work through it and then get over it.

The Beauty

Many people won’t understand the beauty I see because they don’t deal with their pain.  They treat it separately, as is common when faced with negative emotions.  Everything can be broken down in order to understand it, in order to decipher the code. Because we are predictable beings slaves to routines and patterns our emotions become subject to patterns.  Similar things will always bring bliss and simultaneously irritants bring the opposite.  But until you figure out who you are you stand as a weapon to your self by robbing your soul of release.  I realized the beauty in my pain once I stopped searching for destruction in a perfect world.  You may have some destructive qualities that serve to hinder you and will continue to hinder you unless the tie is broken and you no longer rely on your unique destruction to fuel your need for difference.  It disguises itself as a bad habit or a riff in your otherwise perfect personality and is usually accepted at face value when in actuality it’s much deeper.

“So damaged is she that I see the beauty in her pain. How bitter yet sweet to feel this way. To be washed in the ashes of your guilt and serenaded through regret. For the first time she can breath a breath of honest honesty. For I see your beauty. A beauty she considers pain.” – Robyn Leveridge

It’s so freeing knowing yourself. It’s so freeing being honest.  There will be times where I can’t describe the emotion but I’ll be ready because I know how to deal with beautiful pain.

[Q] what was the last thing that made you genuinely smile?  Leave your [A] in the comments below.


Thank you for stopping by Leveridged Lives. Make sure to subscribe for exclusive content. 

images not licensed by Leveridged Lives

Tell others

What Are Your Thoughts?

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